Hickies and Lovemarks

Looked up “#lovemarks” on insta and was surprised by what I saw. Smh
Why though?
“Bite marks are love notes written in the skin”
Really though😨
😱
Smh at my 26th year

My ex only gave me one

This guy has given me too many to count.

Being single gives me freedom, so I’m not yet ready to dive into a relationship, not even a relationship just for pleasure via sex. It’s not worth it. I’m still a daughter of The King who has made some decisions that were not the best.

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To the Source of Truth

“…or because of these surpassingly great revelations. Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
2 Corinthians 12:7‭-‬10 NIV

“For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.”
Psalms 30:5 KJV

“For His anger is but for a moment, His favor is for life; Weeping may endure for a night, But joy comes in the morning.”
Psalms 30:5 NKJV

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.
I Corinthians 13:1‭-‬3 NKJV

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away. When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known. And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
I Corinthians 13:4‭-‬13 NKJV

Love endures with patience and serenity, love is kind and thoughtful, and is not jealous or envious; love does not brag and is not proud or arrogant. It is not rude; it is not self-seeking, it is not provoked [nor overly sensitive and easily angered]; it does not take into account a wrong endured. It does not rejoice at injustice, but rejoices with the truth [when right and truth prevail]. Love bears all things [regardless of what comes], believes all things [looking for the best in each one], hopes all things [remaining steadfast during difficult times], endures all things [without weakening].
1 CORINTHIANS 13:4‭-‬7 AMP

I’m A Survivor

Heard survivor song by Destiny’s Child while at work.

It was encouraging because I was thinking about my ex, the break up and his text wishing me happy holidays earlier this week.

I sort of regret posting this on Facebook, but I have set it to private tonight before writing this post.

This songs is empowering, mostly the chorus. But I feel the need or desire to rewrite my own lyrics. I’m sad about the break up, but the break up is still something that isn’t so clear to me. I still wonder, “what happened?”

So I want to rewrite lyrics and I guess I’ll start with how I feel about the break up.

I wonder if after all this things after the break up, do I still love him? I know I want to try again. Living in this society though, people say not to go back to your ex. Why?

Here is where I put up a fight.

WHY?

But I don’t want to put up a fight against God. Else doing that reminds me of Job.

Abba Father,

I know I do not understand.

I know that You know far better than I do.

So, inside, I bow before you in reverence.

What’s The Use?

I’m sorry that my apology cant fix what we had.

I’m wondering why wish me and my family happy holidays?

Thanksgiving isn’t here yet, or is it?

Then comes Christmas.

I don’t know how you are taking the holiday time. But I pray God will be with you.

I remember Christmas 2016. You proposed to me in front of my family. You were conscious about what your family would think. I am so happy you stepped out and proposed to me. I think of your motive. I’d like to think it was out of love. At this point, I’m not sure if that was your only motive. I still thank God for what we were.

Sigh*

God I ask that you please forgive me for acting out. Not being the me that I know to be. It makes me sad. But God, I give thanks to You in advance. For chaging things around, for changing me around. Still, I thank You for the plans You have for me, plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me a hope and a future. In Jesus’s name, I pray, amen.

Blue Lipstick

The Lipstick color my ex wanted me to try out.

I remember telling and showing my older sister. She said it wasn’t for me. Trying the blue lipstick was weird. I’ve never tried this color before. I did also try other shades of blue that I spotted on Sephora. I’d like to try to find that picture in my files.

Anyway, main reason I’m sharing these pictures is because I’ll need the space on my phone.

I truly think he wanted me to wear blue lipstick because a girl from his work place probably wore blue lipstick to work once. It is a sad thing that this happened. From what I was told by my ex, I say that this girl was a heavy flirt, consistent, and open, holding nothing back even though it was a work place. I didn’t know what to do in my relationship with my then fiance. I should have fought, but how? This was also a time where I had the heavy burden of being back at work. Work was stressful.

Thinking about this is not pleasant for me so I’ll stop here. As I think about it though I still wonder what was his side to this situation at his work place. He was fired after an investigation. That raises flags for me. Still, even now, I trust him a bit more than the guy that’s been pursuing me from my work place.

A Thought

The last two Thanksgiving s and christmases were spent with my ex. This year we are not together. And I wondered if this is really how it’s going to go Lord. It saddens me. It is reality. Because this is not a break, I broke up with him and he did not resist. Yet, he did say he wasn’t sure about us, wasn’t sure if he wanted to marry me.

Gotta get my mind together. I start work in an hour and I’m in the vicinity.